Sookehverse: The Dead Couple
by Miral
Summary: The Compton/Hamby Household of Bon Temps just got a little bigger. Guess who's coming to dinner? For the Turn Someone We'd Never Expect Weekly One-Shot Challenge.


**Disclaimer: Most characters belong to Charlaine Harris. Jessica Hamby belongs to Alan Ball. **

Bill Compton and Jessica Hamby paced back and forth in the antiquated living room of the home they shared. Bill, 165 years young, had been a vampire for 135 years. Jessica, made vampire at age 17, was Bill's vampire progeny. That is, Bill had made Jessica a vampire. He was Jessica's maker.

It was a little after 7:00 pm. Bill had been up for more than an hour. Jessica had emerged from her day's death about a half hour earlier. The two paced and exchanged tense looks. They waited. It had been an interesting couple of days.

Soon, they'd know.

It had all started Saturday evening. Jessica had been out on a date with her human boyfriend, Hoyt Fortenberry. They were on their way back from the Monroe drive-in, where they'd just seen a double feature of 'X-Men' and the first X-Men sequel. They were having a minor argument. Jess was of the opinion that the actress who played Rogue was just terrible. Hoyt, meanwhile, thought she was simply one more messed up former child star and she just needed proper direction. It was a silly fight and they were laughing about it, but still their opinions were firmly set on opposite sides of the fence.

In any case, it was this silliness that had them laughing—Jessica, in particular, was cracking herself up.

"I don't care about her Academy Award! Even Bill's a better drama queen!" She doubled over in laughter. "And Lafayette's prettier!"

They were still laughing when they'd come across Jason Stackhouse's pickup wrapped around a tree, a dozen or so yards from the highway. The tire tracks looked fresh. The accident must've happened just moments before.

It still haunted Jessica.

"Hoyt!" She cried out. "Oh my God! Pull over!" She'd been around some odd things since she'd been made vampire, but she still remembered being human. Of course, being in love with a human helped, too.

"Hell!" Hoyt's face took on a sickly white pallor. "That's Jason's pick-up."

Hoyt pulled over and the two jumped out of the SUV. They ran over toward the pickup.

"Jason! Jason!" Hoyt called out looking for his friend. He found Jason sprawled on the ground a few feet from the smashed pickup.

"Jase! You okay?" Hoyt, in his fear, started to scream. "JASE? JASE? YOU OKAY?"

Jason didn't respond. Hoyt looked up, meeting Jessica's gaze. She could see his fear. He turned back to his friend.

"JASE? JASON? YOU OKAY?" Hoyt was baffled as to the extent of Jason's injury. Looking at him, Jason looked like he'd just passed out. He had no outward appearances of injury. Hoyt knew that meant nothing. Jason could still have suffered internal injuries. "JASE? JASON? YOU OKAY? SPEAK TO ME, BUDDY!"

Back in the present, Jessica had stopped pacing and was sitting on the sofa. She shut her eyes.

_Life's not easy_, Jessica thought. _Even when you're dead_.

She smiled wryly to herself.

Forcing herself back to her recollections of the other night, Jessica continued the mental playback.

Hoyt had been beside himself. Jason was still. But then something had happened.

Jason had come to...and he was tired of getting an earful of Hoyt screaming in his face.

"Hell, yeah, Hoyt." Jason's words came out slurred at first. He began to sit up. "Why're you shouting at me? Nasty way to ask if a guy's okay..."

"Sorry, bud." Happy his buddy wasn't dead, Hoyt was more than willing to let it go. "What were you doing out here, Jase?"

"Aw, Andy and I checked out a new bar in Monroe," Jason, sitting up, ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm fine. Just takin' a nap out here, I guess."

Then, suddenly, Jason jumped up. Finally giving an indication that he'd just been in a car accident and had been thrown from a vehicle, he wobbled a bit.

"Man, I'm sore!"

Hoyt, observing all this, was a bit incredulous over Jason's apparently miraculous recovery from the car accident.

"Geez, Jase, you were in a car accident?" Hoyt's eyes were wide in disbelief. "YOU WERE THROWN FROM A CAR! YOUR PICK-UP IS A KLEENEX! WHAT THE HELL, JASE?"

Jason made a face at his friend.

"Firstly. Hoyt. Tone? Told you before: no need to be nasty," Jason scratched his head. "Secondly. I can't remember if I ever told you but I got bit a while back by one of Crystal's exes. Anyway, I turn into a half-man/half-panther when there's a full moon," Jason paused giving Hoyt a chance to digest his words. Unflappable Hoyt nodded for him to continue. "It's a bit of a hassle but flip side is... Well, you know how, when I'm drunk and I get myself into car accidents or beaten up, I usually come out not hurt?" Jason paused again while Hoyt, considering, started to nod. "Well, _now it's even MORE like that_." Nodding with a reassuring smile, Jason patted his friend's shoulder.

So it had seemed that Jason appeared to be okay.

Back in the present, Jessica was once more pacing the floor of the living room. Bill had finally taken a seat on the sofa.

"Jessicah, whatever happens, Ah expect you to take responsibility for your actions."

Jessica rolled her eyes. If there was one thing her 'maker' was good at making, it was preachy lectures.

"I know, Bill," she replied heatedly. "I didn't do it on a lark. I figured it wasn't his time. You know? Young guy? Family? People who care about him?"

Jessica shook her head. She'd already second-guessed herself a hundred times since she'd done it. She'd weighed it over in her mind and at the time she'd thought she was doing the right thing. She didn't need one of Bill's sanctimonious lectures right now.

They both started as they heard a noise from the cellar. Bill jumped to his feet.

"He is awake." Bill announced.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious! I've got the vamp hearing, too, you know!"

Bill made a face.

They heard footsteps moving across the cellar.

"I wonder how he'll be." Jessica wondered aloud.

"Jessicah," Bill intoned. "Do you remember how you were?"

"Yeah, but you killed me! Duh!" Jessica rolled her eyes. Always missing the point. "I didn't hurt him. But he was gonna die from his injuries!"

Suddenly footsteps could be heard on the steps leading up from the cellar. The door to the cellar squeaked open.

Jessica felt the hairs on her arms stand on end. She hadn't been this nervous since...well, in at least a week. Really, you'd think being a vampire in a Louisiana backwater would be quiet, but it seemed like every week it was something. If she were human, she'd be on Prozac.

The footsteps were getting closer. Bill and Jessica stood in nervous anticipation. It wasn't every day you brought a new vampire into the family.

Creak.

Creak.

Creak.

Suddenly he was there. He looked around, a disgusted frown on his face.

"Aw, hell! Vampire Bill, am I one of you?" Andy Bellefleur was not a happy vampire. "Well, fuck! How'd this happen?"

Jessica and Bill exchanged a glance. Who was going to explain?

How had it happened? Jessica let her mind race back to the turning a few nights before…

After reassuring themselves that Jason was okay. Heck, he was more than okay! He was three sheets to the wind plastered! Jason started to fill Hoyt and Jessica in on the night's festivities in Monroe when suddenly he realized someone was missing.

"Hey, where's Andy?"

"Andy?" Hoyt and Jessica asked in unison.

Jason nodded.

"Yeah, Andy was with me. He was in the passenger seat."

Jessica ran over to the pickup using her vamp warp speed. Standing next to the passenger side of Jason's smashed up truck, she'd looked in and was startled to see a bloody, unmoving Andy Bellefleur.

"Hey, Hoyt! Jase!" She called over to them. "I think Andy's dead!"

Jason and Hoyt darted over to where she stood.

"Aw, Andy," Jason peered into the truck. "Aw, no! C'mon, buddy! Heck, no! My buddy Andy."

Hoyt placed his fingers first on Andy's wrist to feel for a pulse, then on his neck. Feeling nothing, he shook his head.

Jessica watched Jason as he got teary-eyed. Hoyt looked very somber.

Weighing it over in her mind, Jessica had made her decision.

The ramification of which was the scene Jessica now had before her. She sighed out of habit and started to explain.

"Andy, why don't you sit down while I explain?" She motioned for him to take a seat. He complied and listened to her replay of the events of several nights prior. Grunting occasionally, Andy asked for clarification on several points, much as he would have had he been taking a police deposition.

Once Jessica was done with her play-by-play, Andy jumped to his feet. Agitated, he started to pace. Bill and Jessica remained seated on the sofa.

"All right, so let me get thith thraight—" Andy paused. "What the heck?"

A new vamp, freshly awoken from his first rest, Andy's fangs had popped down.

"How do you talk with theethe thingth?" Andy looked irate. Jessica jumped up.

"Andy, close your eyes and think calm thoughts." Andy did as he was told and sure enough the fangs ascended.

Andy grunted.

"Thank you, Jessica." Thinking, Andy had some questions. "Well, this is interesting and all, but I can't be a vampire. Doesn't work for me."

"Andy," Bill replied, "I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. There's no turning back."

Andy frowned.

"How'm I gonna do my job? Huh? '_Hi, I'm Andy, your nighty-night cop_.' I might as well be the tooth fairy and go around tucking folks into bed!"

Jessica gave Andy a sympathetic look. Before she was able to say something, Andy continued.

"And I gotta drink blood? I get squeamish at the sight of blood. Never told anyone, 'cause it wasn't a good way for a cop to be, but I'm telling you now. I'll starve. Nothing but blood? Jesus. This fucking sucks. Yeah, I don't like this. Not one bit."

Andy shook his head as he started to pace.

"This is the craziest thing to happen since Rene turned serial killer—. Wait. Naw, this is the craziest thing to happen since we had the crazy bitch making everybody have them zombie-eyed sex orgies."

Jessica's face took on a quizzical look, while Bill just nodded. Jessica glanced at her maker.

"I guess," Bill shrugged "you missed it?"

They turned their attention back to Andy, who was still processing his new lifestyle.

"How 'm I gonna explain this to my wife?" Andy shook his head. "And to Portia? She doesn't even like vamps! And she already wasn't crazy about me!"

Then the family connection finally hit him.

"For fuck's sake, Compton! You're my great great great grandfather and now you're my grandpappy maker, too?" He threw Bill an incredulous look. "Boy, you really like stickin' to Old South traditions, don't you? You wanna make Portia a vamp now, too? She can be your great great great granddaughter and your vamp bride?"

Jessica and Bill exchanged a look. Bill was not pleased. Jessica shrugged.

Andy continued.

"I can't go out during the day?" A harsh realization hit him all at once. "How'm I gonna hang with my buddy Jason? Guy's a horn dog. He's not gonna give up 'Dick On' time to spend time with me." Suddenly Andy felt wetness on his cheeks. "Aw, for fuck's sake! I'm getting all emo now."

Andy paused to wipe his cheek with his hand. Turning to Bill, he said,

"You really did it this time, vamp."

"Jessicah is the one who turned you," Bill pointed out.

Andy's face took on a look of disgust.

"What's wrong with you?" Andy shook his head. "You just love throwing folks under the bus, don't you?"

"Thank you!" Jessica chimed in immediately as she was so thrilled to hear someone weigh in on her side. "It's like _he_ never does anything wrong_! Mr. Perfect Maker!"_

Andy glanced at Jessica and nodded. Turning his attention back to Bill, he decided to lay down some facts.

"You're her maker and you need to get a handle on her. She thought she was doing the right thing. You ever teach her what the right thing is?"

"Ah...Ah..." Bill was speechless.

"I thought not. I had you pegged from the start, vamp." Andy shook his head. "Time to man up."

Andy took a brief break in his diatribe.

"Now, I'm feeling a little light-headed," Momentarily quiet, he seemed thoughtful. "I guess this is me being hungry. I'll drink your blood shit, but do they come in flavors? I could really go for a cold beer right about now."

"Ah'm sorry Andy," Bill shook his head. "You cannot have a beer."

"Jesus H, grandpa! Do I seem like an idiot to you?" Andy shook his head. "I know I can't have a beer. I was just observing I _felt_ like having one. Shit, _I gotta explain feelings to you_? I thought you were the Emo Vamp of Bon Temps. All in touch with your feelings and shit. Sookie and that boyfriend of hers were joking the other day that they were gonna send your story to Dr. Phil and see if he could straighten you out. So you're not such a whiny bitch all the time."

Bill's jaw dropped.

"Mah Sookeh thinks Ah need psychological help?"

"See? That's exactly what we're talking about, Compton. Sookie's been with that fun blond vamp for months. You two broke up —what? Like two years ago?"

"More like nineteen and a half months, I'll have you know."

Andy harrumphed. Jessica giggled.

"See? There it is again. The creepy-stalky thing." Andy sighed. "Compton, you really need to get out more. No one's scared of you that you're a vamp. You freak people out 'cause you're _that guy_. The one with the car filled with recycling. Did you know the girls at the Sears in Monroe call in sick on the day they know you're coming in for your polos?"

Bill was crestfallen. He'd had no idea. His sister-lover, Judith, had lately been trying to get him to make more friends and socialize more with people. However, he'd been resistant. He reasoned that things had a way of not going well for him when he went out. Also, he figured he'd been alive so long already, he'd known plenty of people in the past. Did he really need to know more?

"Listen, normally I'm a 'to each his own' kinda guy. Unless you're breaking the law. Then I gotta step in and correct you. But it seems like I'm stuck with you, Compton. So, I'm gonna see what I can do to loosen the stick."

"Loosen the stick?"

"Yeah," Andy nodded. "Loosen the stick that's been lodged up your ass all these years."

With that Andy threw an arm around Bill.

"C'mon. Feed me. Then we gotta talk about my sleeping arrangements. You know, from talking to Sook and her boyfriend it sounds like the guy sleeps in a normal bedroom. It's light tight and all but he was complaining about his Broyhill delivery date getting pushed back. Guess he felt like redecorating. Anyway, you, Jessica and me—we can light tight some rooms and sleep in beds like normal vamps. I guess it's been a tough adjustment for you but we don't need to hide in dungeons and cellars and cemeteries anymore."

With that, Andy and Bill walked into the recycling room where Bill kept the True Blood.

Jessica, giggling and shaking her head in bemusement, followed.

THE END?

**A/N: First, off, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! **

**Second, well, for anyone who read "Moving Violations," you know **_**I LOVE ANDY!**_** And I'm still gonna 'ship him with Pam in ROTSS. Just need to take care of stuff first. This won't be the last we see of Vamp Andy, be assured of that. **


End file.
